The phone call from my gynecologist's office still rings in my head today, two years after. Lindsay told me “this is not the call I wanted to make, you have cancer. I have set you up with the best oncologist, she can meet with you Monday after hours, can you be there?”

At 20 weeks, our journey changed drastically. It was as if our surrogate was no longer someone we knew. Someone who, in our minds, threatened the life of our child. It was as though a switch flipped and we were no longer a team. We had now entered into a legal agreement and nothing else. We all of a sudden were stripped down to a “paying for a baby” relationship. There was no more mutual respect.

On July 30th, we transferred a little baby embryo our Gestational Carrier (GC.) The transfer went well, and our doctor was hopeful. However, there is always the possibility that the first embryo transfer does not “stick.” I prepared for all possible outcomes while Sam prepared for a baby.

On April 23, a month after my lumpectomy and lymph removal, I embarked on my radiation journey. 40+ sessions of radiation spanning across my armpit to breast to sternum to sacrum, essentially, everywhere the cancer made an appearance. Common side effects of radiation are fatigue, skin changes, and GI issues. What they don’t tell you is how those side effects cause more issues in your life.

This past year has not been easy, but nothing worth having is. My life is worth having and I will continue to fight for it. The pain that I am feeling is increased because of the love I was able to have.

For those who knew me before my father passed away understood how important he is to me. I talked about him constantly. (After my father passed, my boss even said he felt like he was losing a friend because of how much I talked about him.) To me, my father was the most brilliant man alive. He instinctively knew how to run businesses, treat people with respect, and build anything (and I mean anything.) He is my definition of a man’s man. Strong, understanding, loving, smart, handy and kind. He was always willing to give the shirt off his back to someone who needed it more.