Trust in God’s Plan. Baby Watch 2020.

In May, Sam and I went public with our journey to start a family. Due to my cancer diagnosis, I am unable to carry a child naturally. We started this journey in May and haven’t looked back! Sam and I truly believe we are on the right path.

On July 30th, we transferred a little baby embryo into our Gestational Carrier (GC.) The transfer went well, and our doctor was hopeful. However, there is always the possibility that the first embryo transfer does not “stick.” I prepared for all possible outcomes while Sam prepared for a baby.

I was in a panic of not telling too many people, just to turn around and tell them that we weren’t pregnant. I had hope this would work, but fear that nothing has been easy, and this would follow suit. Yet, we marched ahead. Sam telling everyone he could, while I slowly divulged information to close family and friends.

I had the pleasure of being in the room with the GC as the embryo was implanted. It was weird to see something so small and understand that the little teardrop could turn into a baby. I was excited but cautiously optimistic. We waited a week and got the first call of HCG on Friday, August 7th. The GC’s HCG was low, 28, but showed she was pregnant. We would retest on Monday to see if the numbers had doubled to show good movement towards a successful pregnancy.

I was so nervous. That whole weekend, I tried to distract myself anyway I could. I prayed, I took many baths, I watched too much tv, and I ate a lot of ice cream. I was not sure I could handle another blow. Work has been crazy, life has royally sucked, and I needed good news. 2020 needed good news. That feel-good story.

On Monday, HCG was 42. Not good enough. I received a call from our doctor saying the embryo probably wasn’t going to stick. I was devasted, but still optimistic. I prayed. I prayed to God and the Virgin Mother to help give me strength to endure this loss of a life. God and I had a long talk and I asked for him to provide me strength and guidance in this time.

The GC and I stayed in constant communication on how she was feeling and if anything was different. All of us wanted this baby to stick. I needed this baby to stick.

Baby didn’t stick. I was broken but needed to figure out what happens next. How can we not make the same mistakes again? The GC and I put our heads together with my doctor to figure out what we were going to do next.

We are going to go through an ERA cycle (mock cycle) to make sure we have all of our calculations correct, medication, what day to transfer, and anything else we can change. This will up our chances by 73% for successful implantation next time. Once we complete the ERA cycle and biopsy, we will do a transfer after the GC’s next period.

This whole process has been hard. I, once again, am learning more than I wanted about this process but am leaning on faith to get me through. I will keep you all updated. Sam is still excited, I am nervous but hopeful. Since we are adding more layers on to this journey, the fees have gone up. If you can help, please donate today!