My First Round of Chemo
Let’s recap- in the two weeks I have found out I had cancer we have gone through, IVF treatments, 3 breast MRI’s, 1 Brain MRI, 1 echocardiogram, 1 PET Scan, 1 Bone Biopsy, 1 Botched Port Surgery, 1 Plural Effusion, 2 Chest X-Rays, Countless doctor visits, 5 Vaginal Exams, 1 Egg Retrieval, 1 Chemo Teach, 1 Paxman Cold Cap Fitting, Countless blood draws and countless hours of anxiety, nauseas, and being drugged up. These last two weeks have been a whirlwind. I don’t know what day it is, but I can tell you my name, birthdate, and allergies.
I am tired, scared, and not ready for chemo. Yes, I went through Chemo Teach and I’ve talked to other patients and survivors, but I am not ready. The thought of accessing my port (that is not even a week old) scares the daylights out of me, I am swollen from the egg retrieval, I am tired and I am terrified. I cried hysterically to my PA. Yup, just how I wanted to start my morning.
Now, I am back in the infusion room, which is actually comfy, shout out to Texas Oncology Round Rock, and Nurse Janet is getting ready to access my port for labs. Each time I go into the office I get labs drawn to see how I am reacting to all my treatments. This is the first time my port is being accessed and I feel like crying again. I put the numbing cream on like I am supposed to and I am in fact numb, but I am still getting poked in the chest by a giant needle. I breathe in and out hoping it doesn’t hurt. Yeah, it hurts.
Now it’s time to cold cap. I wet my hair down like I am supposed to, I put the conditioner on top, I place the cap on my head and Janet helps me tighten the straps and plug me in. The cap is so painful and feels like it is too small, sucking my head in. For the next five hours, I am going to be in pain. My head never numbs like they tell you it’s supposed to.
I get my premeds, one of my premeds takes my breath away and causes me to cough like I have lung cancer instead of breast cancer. I am now dry heaving and thinking I am going to vomit all over this sterile room. Rookie mistake, I did not eat because I was too nauseas. YAY Me. Everyone is real proud. *Insert eye roll* I did this to myself. Fun.
Once we get over the dry heaving, we start my steroid, and then it’s on to Chemo. Today, is going to be a long day because it is the first one. Chemo runs for almost two hours, then I have the PH part of my regime which runs for another two and half hours. All with the painful cold cap on my head and my hands and feet being frozen. It was awful. I didn’t eat, I was uncomfortable, I was miserable, and I was ready for it to be over.
When we finally got home, I was sick. I could not keep anything in my system and did not want to eat or drink anything. The day after was not bad, had some GI issues but not too bad. Still didn’t eat.
Day two after Chemo
Well, the shit hit the fan. I have Vasovagal Syncope which is a fancy term for fainting. I get up to go to the bathroom and yell to my husband that I do not feel right please bring me a throw up bag. He does. First time in our marriage he has seen me on the toilet btw. No big deal, breaking boundaries here. I ask him to get my mom because I do not feel right. My heart rate is dropping fast, we are now down in the 40’s and I have lost my eyesight and now I am unconscious. I can hear my mother and Sam talking to me, but I cannot respond. They are calling 911. I am out, still on the toilet clinging to my mother for dear life.
I start to steady my breathing and come to. I finally get off the toilet just in time for the cavalry to arrive. I was not ready to break that boundary with seven strangers, one of whom was a cancer survivor himself, with Dr. H as his oncologist! They pump me full of fluids, and send me in the ambulance, per Dr. H demands, I was heading to the ER. Great. How much is this going to cost me?
We get to the hospital and I am hungry, but no one will feed me. Fuckers. I am getting hangry and I am in pain. Because of the pleural effusion, I cannot lay flat, and I have twenty pounds on me from the egg retrieval so I really cannot breathe. I am miserable. They do a chest X-ray, yup, still have that pesky fluid around my lung. We are going to do a Thoracentesis to collect the fluid and biopsy it to make sure that fluid does not contain cancer cells. YAY.. Again.
Thoracentesis
In order to drain the fluid, a radiologist needs to come into my room with a sonogram machine to guide the needle into the inflamed area. He tells me it’s going to hurt when he numbs the area then I will feel a lot of pressure. He lies. It hurts. I yell, “Dude, what are you doing? That really hurts” But I stay perfectly still so he just laughs at me. They drain over 300 ccs of fluid and finally stop because we are getting bubbles in the tube. It still leaves a lot of fluid around my lung continuing to cause me pain for weeks. Now, pleural effusion was caused from the botched port surgery. I am not sure who was angrier, my mother or myself. Regardless, here we are.
Overnight Visits
I now have to stay overnight in the hospital for more fluid and observations. I have a UTI which hurts like a bitch and the food in the hospital is awful. They can’t figure out my normal medicines and I cannot get comfortable. I am not being very patient with the nurses and I am over chemo and cancer. My heart rate is still high, and my blood pressure is still low. Nothing is working and everyone is done being patient. Luckily, Temptation Island comes on tonight so we can be distracted. I have Tammie in bed with me, Sam to my left and my mother pacing the room. Everyone is exhausted.
I am swollen. So swollen I cannot see my feet. I look 10 months pregnant. I am retaining water in my ovaries bad and I cannot breathe.
The next day I leave the hospital with marching orders, drink more water and eat more protein. Great. More water to retain. For the next week, I am unable to walk without losing my breath, unable to eat without running to the bathroom, and unable to consume anything without being super nauseas.
My first round of Chemo Kicked my ass. I felt like I was losing this battle.
