Meeting the stork: Our Journey to Surrogacy pt. 2

On May 1st we put in an application with a surrogacy agency to be matched with a potential surrogate. We made this decision after my clear PET scan. When I was diagnosed with cancer, it came at a time where Sam (my husband) and I were trying to get pregnant. During the treatment plan, we decided to go through a round of IVF to freeze embryos. With a clear PET scan, we were ready to move forward with our life and start a family.

The surrogacy application almost looks like a dating profile. We were asked questions like “How involved to do you want to be in pregnancy?” and “What are your beliefs on terminating the pregnancy?” Those two questions were ones we had thought about and talked about for hours when deciding to move forward with a surrogate. We also knew our answers to those questions may limit the number of surrogates willing to work with us.

As it pertains to how involved we want to be in the pregnancy we answered: “For our partnership with you (the Gestational Carrier), your part is the most precious and important. You are going to be carrying our future and our heart. We want to be very involved. We would want to be at doctor’s appointments, getting updates frequently, being able to feel the baby move or see you and talk about what is happening. I will never get to carry our child and will be living through you in these moments. I want the baby to know our voices, my heartbeat, I don’t want us to be strangers to our baby when we first meet outside the womb. You, as our GC, have the unique opportunity to come into our family in a special way, and we are really looking forward to meeting you.”

Sam thought this would make it very difficult for us to find a match. Wanting to be involved may be something to scare most surrogates away. It could almost feel like big brother is watching, which is 100% not what we want. We also answered that no termination would be an option. For us, we could not imagine a time we would terminate a pregnancy even before this whole mess. Once again, limiting our chances of being matched with a surrogate. We were worried that the normal amount of six months to find a surrogate may be longer because of our answers.

On May 4th, we were matched with a surrogate. 5 days. We had a potential match. This process normally takes 6 months to a year. 5 days. As I read her profile, I couldn’t believe how similar our answers were. I cried. (I apparently cry a lot these days.) We immediately reached out to the agency to let them know we wanted to meet and found out the surrogate wanted to meet us as well.

Within the week we had to pay $9,000 to the agency to move forward. $9,000 was no easy task to come up with in a week. When we had originally discussed moving forward, we thought we would have at least six months to save money. We were panicked. We decided to seek help through a loan. We got denied, still do not have a reason as to why we were denied. We were panicked again but didn’t want to lose our chance to start a family faster. We cried. We planned. We said fuck it and dove headfirst into a GoFundMe and asked for help from the people we cared about the most. In two days, we raised $9,000. WHAT?! The support and love was unimaginable. We were able to move forward, even after GoFundMe took their cut.

That following week we got to meet our surrogate and her husband. It was through a zoom meeting and like every zoom, awkward to start. They looked just like their pictures and had a heavy southern drawl. It felt like home. Our surrogate was sweet and passionate. She talked about why she wanted to give this blessing to another family and how after reading our profile, she wanted that family to be us. After hearing her talk, we wanted it to be her as well. We agreed on the no termination, and how involved we wanted to be in the pregnancy. We were moving forward.

That night we exchanged phone numbers and planned to meet in person on Friday in Waco. With COVID-19, I was extremely nervous, but decided, Hell, she is going to be carrying my baby, I better get used to hugging her. And the minute she showed up at the restaurant, I hugged her. Not as tight as I would have liked, I am not ready to scare her away yet.  I immediately felt connected to her. Her whole family is so kind, loving, and truly passionate about what the surrogate is doing for our family, including her four-year-old daughter. We spent about three hours with them walking along the river, eating and just talking nonstop. As tired as I was, I did not want the night to end.

It felt like God has put this family in our journey for a reason. A reason larger than Sam and I growing our family. I believe this has been his plan from the beginning.

Surrogate has already been cleared by Dr. Hansard and we are moving quickly. We still have a lot of money to raise, but I am feeling hopeful and grateful. Surrogate and her family are the perfect match for our family. She is going to act as our stork in this journey, with angels from both families guiding us. In a time where I could easily focus on the grief, I am feeling from not being able to carry our own baby, I am feeling joyful. We have found a family that can complete our family. More to come on this journey.

If you would like to make a donation to our journey you can either venmo us at @annamariagrace or go to our GoFundMe.